The answer is prostitution. Not the kind where you constantly feel used and ashamed, aware of what is happening you don’t want to be there, no that comes later. You want to be there. This is the kind where you are pretty woman; your boss, your bills, your local bar, your lover and to an extent a part of you take up the roll of Richard Gere. If you are just desirable enough and wait long enough and fulfill the expectations…you will get there…you will succeed. You will have what you long for…love, security and happiness. Only in this version Richard turns into a large pimp with his musky fat knuckled fingers around your neck, just tight enough to so that any attempt to break out could lead to suffocation.
The taste of artificial freedom, overwhelmingly real and scary, inhabits your morning breath. You are really managing on your own. It looks that way to an outsider. Behind strangers doors, not furnished exactly according to your taste: its temporary, well behind those doors, you are preparing yourself for the times to come. Just work hard enough to get to that job, diet well enough to keep him interested and act so independent that even you begin to believe it.
Underpaid, you keep on carrying out your job description, not nearly close to what you are educated for, but the unconscious knows it needs recovery. And pretty woman hopes it´s THE step stone to the next level. A brave face Monday to Thursday, well you can´t work Fridays. This independent woman has yet again set her schedule around to maintain the relationship that has no ground. Fridays to Mondays, you spend your earnings. For traveling into dream land. Such passion. Was that all I had to do? Leave?
Some weekends, you riot! Rebel! Enter another very different dream land. A parallel universe created just for relieving aggression in the most enchanting way possible. For restoring your fragile ego. Yes, embarrassing but why deny it: you are as vain as they come. Vanity combined with a broken heart is certainty “the pimpers paradise”.
During these riots things happen for which you can not be held accountable. They started out quiet nice actually, after all it is an open relationship. You have everything to prove: you can not just move but also move on. Naturally it was the most foolish and naive thought, as the subsequent weekend after riot time, pretty woman in love: as submissive as they come, as coquette as can be, has her reunion with prince charming. Sometimes known as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
So really there was enough activity to fill up your new won freedom. You might even have been at your peak. So high, not realizing it was a slippery slope and Richard Pimp Daddy was getting buffer and buffer giving you a helpful nudge down the slide. The speed is good! Can you let go? For sure, he will catch you at the bottom…foolish and naive thoughts.